Love ≠ All You Need. &, The Sixth Love Language.
- dawnjchurch
- Apr 17
- 6 min read
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As the eighth season of Love is Blind comes to a close, I find myself revisiting the Sixth Love Language: Being Seen - And Accepted.
Expand for a quick primer on Love Is Blind if you haven't seen it
Love is Blind is a reality TV dating show by Netflix. The show aims to answer the question "Is love blind?" by having 30 or so dating hopefuls blind-date each other with the intention to find their forever partner and get married at the end of the season. By "blind-date," I mean literally. Dates happen in conjoined "pods" that are separated by a wall but connected by audio. They are only allowed to see each after they get engaged.
After everyone has either paired up or left the show still single, up to five or so of the engaged couples are taken on a destination vacation. They move in together, meet family and friends, and after another 6 weeks, they get married or walk away. It's pretty crazy but it has led to a dozen or so successful and long lasting marriages - and of course, a lot of drama.
It was another round of the familiar "social-experiment meets modern-love-story on a high speed train that is expected to crash at every turn." And, ahem, it still makes for a great case study on the 6th Love Language: Being Seen - And Accepted.
Here's why -
This season, 32 people spent 10 days talking to potential matches about the "real stuff" that matters in relationships - values, vulnerabilities, hopes, dreams, fears, and funky quirks (hello, family sock bin). They shared and witnessed each other's innermost authentic selves and felt accepted for their own - or as much as anyone could in ten days in an isolated compound away from the rest of society. And they did little else for the ten days. That's TEN DAYS focused almost entirely on deep conversations with potential matches about their authentic selves. Wow, some serious serotonin overdrive. Being Seen and Accepted is such a powerful, and deeply desired, love potion that seven couples* (aka, almost half of the cast) got engaged, without ever seeing each other's faces.
Ok. So, we can easily see again just how powerful Being Seen is, but is that the main takeaway here?
No. Sadly.
Out of those seven couples, only one got married.
BUT.
I just finished watching the reunion episode. And, interestingly, whether they stayed together or not, every couple still admits they love each other today - a full year after the show ended.
They still love each other. So what's the issue? What are we learning this time?
*PSP. If you watched the show and you're thinking, "wait, there were five couples, not seven," Netflix only follows a handful due to time constraints, but there were two other engaged couples that didn't make the show.
The moral of the story is:
Love ≠ All You Need
If there was ever a season that highlights this point, it's season 8. I was seriously shocked at a couple of the rejections. It was clear that there was love there.
There are three big themes here, that I want you to consider for your own relationship pursuit.
#1 Love ≠ Compatibility
Close your eyes.
Well, read this, and then close your eyes for a moment.
Imagine the rest of your life as if it were a book - You are the main character. Where are you going? Who is with you? What do you do? What morals and themes do you showcase to the readers? What's the title?
I'll wait here.
I would bet a lot of money that your book doesn't start and stop at the name and picture of your future (or present) partner. If it does, let's talk about making you the main character of your life. However, since you're reading this blog, a partner is likely a part of your story, and that person needs to "fit in" to the core elements of your book.
If you yearn to live in Venice, and they have to live in Venice Beach, they don't live in your scene.
If you desperately want kids, and they absolutely do not, they can't support your main plot.
If you adamantly believe in queer rights, and they do not, they are the antagonist against the morals you need your life story to demonstrate.
No matter how much you love someone, they have to want to live in the world you're creating, support the main plot lines you want to live out, and compliment your core values - or you'll both suffer and end up fighting for control over your conflicting needs.
Subplots and side quests, like differing hobbies, are negotiable and fun additions. But some core elements (like core values) are not negotiable; and while love could be enough to motivate you both to compromise on some others (like parenthood), it's really, really hard.
Love ≠ Compatibility, and Season 8 made this crystal clear. We saw couples fall apart, not because of a lack of love, but because of fundamental mismatches. Compatibility is what's needed for relationship longevity - it's the ability to build something together. Love is the depth and the spark, compatibility is the blueprint for sustainability. Without that shared blueprint, even the most passionate connections will combust.
I have loved...many people. But I'm not compatible with 99.9% of them.
#2 Love ≠ Relationship Readiness
You can love someone deeply and still not be ready to show up for a committed, conscious relationship. This might be the most blatantly ignored truth of all, and it's, if not avoidable, at least, prepare-for-able.
A few of this season's cast hadn’t done enough of the personal growth needed to navigate conflict, communicate openly, or co-create a future. Some lacked emotional regulation and self-awareness. Others avoided hard conversations until it was too late. One person even admitted in the reunion that they "weren’t ready back then" but are working on themselves now.
I want to make it clear that readiness isn’t just about age or experience. It’s about maturity, self-awareness, and the ability to stay open, and in it, when things get messy. And let’s be real: relationships will get messy.
#3 Love ≠ A Bubble
Something that was hard to watch this time was just how much a relationship fray over factors that are not between them - but around them.
We don't show up to relationships as blank slates. We bring with us a web of connections, commitments, and sometimes chaos. We enter relationships with pre-existing loyalties and demands.
And in Season 8, this was on full display.
More than once, we saw couples unravel not because of anything between them, but because of what surrounded them. Family opinions. Friendships. Expectations. Pressure. Past heartbreaks that hadn't fully healed. Social media drama. Love might start in a bubble, but it has to survive in the real world.
When external voices grow louder than the inner voice of the relationship itself, it's hard to find your footing together. It's absolutely possible to weather these kinds of external storms, but that takes more of a matured and established root system than these couples had. You need boundaries, resilience, and shared clarity to hold steady when the world gets loud.
The Sixth Love Language is still Being Seen, and Accepted
As ever, I still stand by my whole "being seen is the sixth love language" thing - and when I say that, I really mean it's the foundation of all love languages. It's never been surprising to me that so many people go on this show and wind up getting engaged in the pods. Pod time is basically "being seen" time. Ironically.
I've been in this world of authentic relationships since 2012. Being seen, and accepted, is what most people want in love (and also are most afraid of). But that kind of mutual vulnerability and acceptance is difficult to do, especially out in the wild with all the distractions of real life. These people spend ten days sharing all about themselves with other people who genuinely want to hear all about them, and the very context of the show is to consider each other as potential life long partners. When it works, it's intoxicating. It's fertilizer for fast-growing love. And, some major heartbreak when reality creeps back in.
What You Can Take Away
If you're single and yearning for that soulful, committed partnership, there's a couple take-aways here for you.
Love is the best part, but it's ≠ all you need. You Also need:
Compatibility
Relationship Readiness
A Healthy, Resilient Root System
Falling in love is beautiful. But building a life with the right person for you is even more so. A couple prepare-able-for tips:
Be someone who sees and accepts others—and who allows yourself to be seen.
Get clear on your values and vision so you can spot compatibility before you're in too deep.
Do the deep work so you're ready, not just willing.
Nurture the skills it takes to grow a healthy root system
At Tempered, we help people do just that. Love is blind. But it is also brave. And with the right support, you can build the love and life you truly want.
Follow us on Instagram @tempered.life for more reflections like this—and to help you become the person who can build what you long for.
