A Holiday Sur(THRIVE)al Guide

I don’t know about you all, but I don’t want to relate with the holidays as if they are something I need to just get through. This time of year is supposed to be filled with magic, love, connection, sparkle - all the best things in life. So this year, let’s put down the holiday survival guides and embrace the holiday surTHRIVEal guide instead. Here are five science + heart informed ideas to help you fall back in love with this season.

As always, take what you need, and leave what you don't. I recommend starting with an intention and picking just one or two others to focus on. 

1. Set an intention

Both science and heart will agree that mindset really matters when it comes to your present experience and your future outcome. How you think about something impacts your future reality - it’s why we’re ditching survival and embracing surTHRIVEal. 

Setting an intention for how you want the holidays to go and leaning in to that as your north star this season is - 100% - the best first thing you can do to support your future self’s enjoyment of the holidays. Set your intention and let it soak into the back of your brain like a Mariah Carey song on repeat the first week after Halloween. Allow it to be your personal Rudolph nose that guides you out and away from boredom, discontent, and chaos and into your magical winter wonderland. If you need help setting an intention, use the following exercise. 

Journal exercise to create your intention

1. Grab a journal and answer these three questions:

   1. How do I want to feel during and at the end of this holiday season?

   2. What experiences do I want to have for myself and give to others?

   3. What’s the best version of me in this season - ie, how do I want to show up, be, act, love, play, rest, etc.?

2. Summarize your answers into a paraphrase. Use this formula:

   1. I want to _____(summary of feelings)_____

   2. through ______(summary of experiences)_____.

   3. I'll do this as my best self, the me who is _____(summary of best self)_____.

3. Then, pick a 2 - 5 word intention statement (yep, words, not sentences) that captures the essence of your responses - something catchy that you can easily remember and say to yourself in those moments where you need to come back to center, choose between going out and staying in, or settle down admidst some chaos, etc.. You might not be able to encapsulate every single bit of your journaling into these words, but this statement should help you remember and reinforce the spirit of your desire.

4. Write your statement on a sticky note and tape it up somewhere you’ll see it throughout the day - and/or anything else that will help you remember ie. a reminder alarm in your phone, a bracelet, a handmade ornament on your tree, or a sweet DIY temporary tattoo.

From now until December 31st, this is your mantra. Whenever you’re at a stuck point, let your intention be what guides your steps.

2. Savor the moments

Savoring is an art in and of itself, but it’s all about presence and pleasure - making it a (really) fun form of thriving. Savoring requires a slowing down, a sinking in, and a turning up the volume of your sensations. My challenge to you is to savor a moment each day - with as many of the five senses as you can - and as a bonus, journal a little about your experience each time. You can do this in the midst of laughter with friends, as you’re cozy on the couch with a loved one, or as you see Christmas lights sparkling on your drive home while you listen to a classic holiday tune. 

A great little example of how to Savor

Pick your favorite holiday treat. Before you take a bite, notice its colors and visual textures. Inhale its scent, and notice the subtle spices, creams, and sugars. When you take a bite, notice not only the flavors, but the feeling of the sweetness against your tongue. Let your thoughts during these moments revolve around the pleasure of your sensations.

Next time, try the same sensation tracking and amplification process with something, or someone, else.

3. Honor self. Honor other. Balance grace with boundaries.

Really, you could make this a mantra for the season too (or life, honestly). To honor self is to know and respect your own needs and desires. To honor others is to respect someone elses needs and desires. To thrive is to balance the dance of these meeting points - and that requires clear boundaries, compassion for mistakes, and in this season, maybe some grace-giving expansion or affirmative recommitment.

Holidays are extra. Extra time commitments, extra sugar, extra family. You probably have some degree of boundary on one or all of these things (and if you aren’t practicing boundaries, let’s talk about that). Inevitably, there’s going to times during this season where your personal boundaries with yourself are teased (ie. more party invites, more decadent food) and your tolerance of others is tested (ie. the classic spoiling grandparents, the office grinch, and political conflicts). Having an intention ahead of time for how you want these situations to go will help you feel so much better in the end because “I choose this” feels very different from “I caved into this.”

To help temper the "extra" for your personal thriving experience, I’m going to encourage you to examine your boundaries with yourself and others now and to define where you want and need to extend little extra intentional grace - and where you plan to gracefully affirm boundaries. 

Here's a journaling exercise to help you examine your boundaries

1. Pull up the holiday intention that you set

2. Make a list of the boundary zones that you expect to be teased and tested this season. Ie. Personal self-care boundaries, time commitments, or family conflict topics

3. Take a look at each one, and with your holiday intention in mind, ask yourself:

   1. Would I be best served by expanding or affirming this boundary for the holiday season? And, why?

   2. If expanding, what would my new boundary be?

   3. If affirming, how do I plan to do this?

Choosing to extend an amount of greater grace ahead of time can help you feel relaxed instead of resentful in moments of dissonance and delightfully indulgent instead of guilty.

Choosing to affirm a boundary before it's tested can help you feel more grounded and resilient in the face of choice or conflict.

And remember, this isn’t to say that boundaries go away - only adjust the ones that would feel good to relax, and keep strong to the ones that wouldn’t. Instead, it’s an offering to gracefully widen the container while still having a solid no-pass point.

4. Navigate Conflict with NVC

On that note - it’s the holidays. Expect conflict. But it doesn’t have to derail your family gathering or personal thriving if you have a solid tool ready to go. NVC stands for non-violent communication, and it’s both an elegant philosophy and a simple method for conflict navigation that has incredible self-transformation power when really mastered. You don't need to be a NVC pro to implement this practice though. The beautiful thing is that the basics are easy to learn and super duper helpful on their own. NVC boils down to an easy-to-use formula to help you name the conflict, own your experience and communicate your feelings, and ask for a different behavior in the future. It goes like this:

When ___(fact-based event)___ happens,

I feel ___(your feelings - note the "I" statement)___.

In the future, could you ___(request for different behavior)___?

That’s it! Check out my friend and colleague’s blog for a longer intro, or if you’re feeling intrigued, I highly recommend the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

5. Thrive with fun outside your comfort zone 

Do something a little weird or different for you. Routine and tradition are totally fine - but “fine” isn’t thriving. If you want more, you have to step outside of what you have now. So, go beyond your typical routine - wear some glittery antlers, invite your friends to holiday karaoke, volunteer, build a snowman, see the Rockettes, or if you’re a go-go-go-er, take a nap. For inspiration, head to our instagram page and join the Reindeer Name Games from 12/14 - 12/23.

One last surTHRIVEal tip

Don’t skimp on the simple essentials - be kind, make gratitude a practice, take care of your body, unplug, focus on what matters, balance movement and rest, let good enough be perfect, make time for those who matter most - and embrace the magic of the season.