The difference, and overlap, between Coaching and Therapy
- dawnjchurch
- Dec 2, 2023
- 4 min read
I like to use physical health as a metaphor.
When you’re sick, you need a doctor.
To get fit, you need a personal trainer.
To be healthy, you might need both.
Example time!
So you’ve decided to lose twenty pounds. You could start by talking to your doctor. They know the basic mechanics of how to lose weight, so they tell you “eat healthy and exercise,” but that’s really as far as they can take you. A doctor can’t go to the gym with you, help you create a workout plan, cheer you on every week as you inch towards your goals, or be there to encourage you when life bumps you off track. You think these are important to your success, so you hire a personal trainer. Great! But, when you’re at the gym, let’s say your face turns purple when you run (hi, that was me). A personal trainer can’t do a test to find out what’s wrong or prescribe you an inhaler for what turns out to be stress-induced asthma. To really be healthy, you might need the help of a personal trainer and a doctor, because they both do essential things and neither can cover all the bases.
Therapy and coaching is very similar.
A coach helps you understand “what’s right” and grow into your full potential.
A therapist will help you understand “what’s wrong” and heal illnesses.
For holistic health and thriving, you might need both.
But wait, we definitely talked about “the wrong” stuff
Now, if you’ve ever worked with me, you know we talk about the hard things, and sometimes, we talk about them a lot. The important thing to understand is that while people aren’t wholly categorically ill or well, the practices of therapy and coaching both are categorically centralized on the treatment of Disorder or the movement toward Flourishing, respectively.
Yay, a Chart! And Terms!
Even though people and our lives are certainly not linear, to help us understand how these practices overlap and where they diverge, I’ve made a chart to organize life, all of our elements as people, and the experiences we have on a linear spectrum (No applause, but I do accept dark chocolate).
A person’s whole life and all its elements can truly spread aaaalllll the way across this spectrum, and it might be different at different times.
To see how I define these terms, click to expand.
Disorder
For simplicity, this section is the presence of a mental disorder as defined by the APA here, and what I call disordered experiences - those being experiences that fall outside of normal Struggle and involve an aspect of trauma such as sexual assault, loss of a child, living in a war zone, etc.
The normal Struggle of life
This section includes all the bits that most people experience to some degree and feel some negative, stuck vibes about.
It is a completely normal part of life for a person:
to feel periods of sadness・to have unprocessed anger from childhood・to feel totally lost in life・to feel insecure in social situations・to not understand the meaning of life and their purpose・to feel anxious about not having their career figured out・to experience imposter syndrome・to feel stress and like they have too much on their plate ・to feel lonely・to want something and to not know how to get it and to feel frustrated, angry, helpless, or grieving as a result.
This is normal Struggle.
Neutral
Neutral is everything that is absent of Disease and Disorder, Struggle, Delight, and Flourishing. This includes things like “I feel just fine with my job - it’s just a job.” Paying your bills on time without too much difficulty or much left over. Feeling like your routine gets the job done without it feeling too hard or progressive. Aka, maintaining the status quo.
The normal Delight of living
This section includes all the bits that most people experience to some degree and get some pleasure or positive, forward-moving vibes about.
It’s totally normal for people:
to feel periods of contentment・to have a handful of meaningful relationships・to have a sense of purpose・to feel confident in some social scenarios・to have a general idea of where your career is heading・to want something more and to not know what quite what that is and for that to feel motivating and mysterious.
This is normal Delight.
Flourishing
For simplicity, I define the section of Flourishing as being your whole self, living your whole life. That can mean so. many. things. And, it should mean something different to everyone.
But some examples of that might be:
loving the life you live today while having a dream that you’re moving toward・integrating your Suffering as insight・to know your purpose and to live your life on-purpose・to feel connected in the small interactions・to be able to say yes and no with equal conviction・getting married to the love of your life・going dancing・opening that dream business・to feel grateful for your confidence and your insecurities in social scenarios・or taking a nap in the middle of the day.
Why does this matter?
The important thing to understand is that while people aren’t wholly categorically ill or well, the practices of therapy and coaching both are primarily categorically focused on either illness or wellness.
People are whole beings that experience both Struggle and Delight (and Neutrality) - these are completely, normally average. But sometimes, we experience hardship that is beyond average - we call this Disorder (or disordered experiences) - and to understand and heal this, we need a special kind of care. On the flip side, we can go beyond average on the other end of the spectrum too - we call this Flourishing - and to understand and grow into this, we might benefit from a special kind of help.
Herein lies the most important difference between coaching and therapy. Therapy is a methodical treatment of Disorder. Coaching is a guiding practice for full potential - aka, Flourishing.
Back to the overlap
The content that coaching and therapy covers will likely overlap to some degree, hence the chart, and there are strong boundaries at both edges where the overlap stops. And truthfully, we use some of the same tools, modalities, and methods to work with that content. We can use our strengths to build up our weaknesses, and we must look to our weaknesses to understand what we need to integrate, make room for, or let go of in order to Flourish.
The Super Simple Segmented Summary
THERAPY
A therapist may use what’s right as a tool to help heal what’s wrong, but their main focus is the treatment of Disorder and the alleviation of Suffering. (If you’re paying them with insurance, insurance doesn’t cover service beyond the arrival at Neutral.) Due to time constraints, insurance restraints, and plain prioritizing those who really need Therapy treatment, a therapist cannot work with you on Flourishing - that is the categorical focus of a coach.
A therapist’s average starting point is Disorder
Their trajectory is to Neutral
And, they will most likely explore Delight as a leveraging tool
COACHING
You and your coach may look at what falls in the section of Suffering to help alleviate the roadblocks that inevitably come up along the path to Flourishing, but a coach cannot go beyond normal Suffering into the treatment of Disorder - this is the categorical focus of a therapist.
A coach’s average starting point is Neutral or Struggle
Their trajectory is to Flourishing
And, they will explore Struggle, Delight, and Neutrality as a piece of the whole story.
At times in our lives, we may need therapy, coaching, or both for holistic, healthy thriving. Just like we might need a doctor to support our asthma so that we can do the cardio with our personal trainer.
For me, this is wholeness.
True Flourishing can only be created from a whole foundation.
